smart.

being obsessed with 30 rock

2011-11-28T00:00:00.002-05:00

and, okay, the muppet movie... has inspired me to:

start writing up sketches/characters and sending them to funny people/tv shows.
start a catch phrase.

these things will launch my comedy acting career.

does anyone know anyone in the biz? (business) (show business)

things i'm overwhelmed about today

2011-11-27T23:55:00.002-05:00

learning to play guitar, getting into show business (is it okay to call it that?), and restaurants i want to eat at. oh and planning san francisco. and going to the movies tomorrow. and hanging out with as many friends as possible this week. busy busy. and findign time to download a lot of music and get a tattoo.

seriously.

2011-11-08T23:41:00.002-05:00

i've been avoiding listening to that "someone like you" song forever because i knew, i KNEW it was just too sad for me. i listened to it tonight finally, and i started tearing up. it's just not fair. it's not fair that i feel that way and i don't know when it will go away. and the hardest part is that it's not that i really want it go away, because of how special it is... or was. but then i reminded myself that it doesn't have to be that emotional or dramatic and i shook those tears away and i'm fine now.

another sunday.

2011-11-06T20:17:00.002-05:00

today i went to brunch with my bffs, had some hot bms, went to a fun chili cookoff, and now i am about to relax with some soup and homemade bubble tea. the wedding yesterday was a welcome change from working, and now i am taking a break from drinking. blech.

stress

2011-10-25T22:39:00.001-05:00

spending unproductive days alone is NOT GOOD for me, because i think too much and get stressed out.

good morning.

2011-10-24T11:26:00.001-05:00

i had a bad weekend at work, but a really good day off. and i don't work again till tomorrow evening. i'm happy and enjoying life in the meantime.

a really cute quote from mr. kardashian

2011-10-06T13:29:00.001-05:00

When Humphries was asked what the future held, the Nets star predicted:
"Lots of kids… having fun together, knowing that we can have fun and that life is fun and that we can spend time together and support each other."

goals starting tomorrow

2011-10-05T22:06:00.002-05:00

riding bike more and STOP BEING SUCH A SLUG

poem by anonymous:

Full slugs can't booze at Tina's

if you can't beat em, join em

2011-10-04T22:54:00.000-05:00

pumpkin coffee, pumpkin pie, pumpkin lattes, pumpkin beer

simpler times.

2011-09-07T23:42:00.003-05:00

i am reading a really good book called "moral tales" by margaret atwood. so far it chronicles several generations of the women in a family and their stages in life. one woman lives on a farm with her boyfriend/husband and his two children. it basically is everything i dream of. she's 35 and they just happen upon this farm rental and when the landlord sells the property they get their own farm, even though they know next to nothing about farming. but they're good at a simple life. they start to fix it up, get some chickens and plant a garden, then get peacocks and then cows and then sheep. they get help from neighbors and people in town. they have a wood-burning stove and a tractor. it sounds so incredibly peaceful and gratifying. i don't know, i feel like my skills are pretty limited in life, but it makes me excited to know that that kind of life is so trial and error that a lot of errors are expected and unavoidable and makes things so less scary and acceptable. like the worst you can do is try, and in this case you're pretty much always going to reap a benefit. it doesn't require a lot of money or stress. just some hard handywork. the story also chronicles the mishaps in farming, which is a reminder that things don't always work out perfect, but not so bad. that's just farm life, or life in general. an important lesson i've been getting way better at grasping. way better. i just... wanna be a farmer. and wear jeans and sweatshirts and boots and an apron and big hats.

"At the end of March, the peahen was found dead on the floor of the barn, underneath its crossbeam perch. A weasel must have gone up there during the night, said Mrs. Roblin: weasels would do that."

my baby

2011-08-21T20:39:00.001-05:00

MY CUCUMBER PLANT THAT I RAISED FROM A SICK BABY IS GONNNNNEEEEEEEEE AFTER YIELDING ONE HEARTY OFFSPRING. WAAAAAHHHHHHHH

why can't i be more like this?

2011-08-10T21:53:00.002-05:00

"Look here, son," she said, "the last boy that tried pulling tricks on me is still picking up the pieces."

lonesome.

2011-08-08T21:10:00.000-05:00

i miss my friends.

advice?

2011-08-08T09:22:00.003-05:00

how does one deal with the faster than average passing of time? summer is almost over! i need to swim more, spend more time on patios and more time reading outside!!!!! can we write congress asking to add a few more hours to each day?

boss man.

2011-08-06T22:13:00.003-05:00

wasn't at work today so everyone got drunk. the complaining was about 70% subsided, thus resulting in probably a total of 60% of my shift being complaining. from me and everyone else. ADVENTURE TIME.

2011-08-03T22:22:00.004-05:00

"you and anna faris have the same face."
"really? so do you and ricky vazquez."
"unreal."

good day again

2011-07-27T00:18:00.002-05:00

made a veggie lasagna (easy!! and delicious), fixed up my garden, schmoozed with neighbors, ate hummus an mushroom sando at root cafe, helped my mom pick out some outfits at marshall's (and bougth sweatpants and hello kitty heart watch), shared veggie lesagna and berries with roomies who i haven't spent enough time with lately and it was nice to catch up, went on dog walk, rode bikes to east side house party/show, hung out on porch and laughed a little with my besties. it was refreshing to feel young again!!! i've been in a routine/rut?? for a while and it was nice to do something new/old for once. sometimes i hate living in the city and sometimes i love it. i can't really explain it, but i think any city dweller would understand. i like downtown at night when it's quiet, but i miss the country and suburbs. rolling hills and meadows and such. anyway, i made it home in 15.5 minutes. i have a whole new perception of time/timing.

do you ever have identity crises?

2011-07-24T22:29:00.003-05:00

sometimes i look at the internet or fashion magazines or tv or any media or person and get inspired or jealous and think, "i want to be like that" or "i want to look like that" or "i want that." it's kind of a yucky feeling cause it stresses me out and makes me feel overwhelmed. i think i'e gotten better at handling this feeling, by realizing i just am how i am and that's okay and there's no reason to chasnge it. unless... is there? how do you distinguish between bettering yourself and changing yourself? what are my reasons?

regrets.

2011-07-19T10:16:00.001-05:00

if i could turn back time i would add this to my birthday list:

anything from american apparel under the category "crop tops"

deep breaths.

2011-07-19T10:14:00.001-05:00

i think i might be okay.

summer

2011-07-14T09:21:00.001-05:00

there's still so much i want/need to do! motorcycle rides, days at the wineries, swimming more and more, drive-in movies, etc etc etc IS IT POSSIBLE

tricking my whip out

2011-07-12T11:47:00.002-05:00

possible updates: hello kitty tires, bright green wheels, playboy bunny valve caps, glitter seat??

the things i spend my money on...

going to the pool bye!

2011-07-01T21:56:00.001-05:00

i know this song is kinda old and overplayed but i knew i could relate when this all happened and now i listen to it and miss being alone. how messed up is that??

text conversation

2011-06-30T22:36:00.001-05:00

me: can you come yoy me for the next 6 days
anonymous: you are using words i don't understand so i'm just going to take them as disrespect.

feelings, emotions

2011-06-30T21:43:00.003-05:00

i just went on the most magical bike ride ever. rode from brecksville to peninsula, drank a guinness, and rode back in the dusk. thus, there were millions of lightning bugs along the trail. sparkly as fuck.

as i was driving home i realized even though it was THAT beautiful, i hadn't really smiled a lot today. SUCKS. i hate not being happy/i hate being sad. it's annoying and a waste of time. i hate this situation so freaking much. i don't know what to say or do so i keep ignoring it which makes it come up again later. it's like, the most unlucky thing to ever happen to me. and i thought today was my lucky day because i got a free bottle of vodka at work. now i feel like crying. which isn't fair.

and my stupid birthday is on tuesday and i'm going to be thinking about it then, too. CAN SOMEONE HELP ME AND MAKE DECISIONS FOR ME ALREADY.

summer

2011-06-28T09:24:00.002-05:00

i'm bummed cause i thought it was supposed to rain lst night so i didn't water my garden and it didn't rain and now i don't have time to water it today. and it needs watered. i went with a co-worker this morning and our respective dogs to get coffee at julie's bakery and i'm about to go to the doctor's and do laundry. i cannot believe this weekend is the 4th of july. best weekend/week of the year!!!! allegheny wilderness, here i come!

love

2011-06-25T21:20:00.002-05:00

last night i went to bed at 6 in the morning and woke up at 10 to work a double. this morning seems like a week ago. anyway, i made some money and i'm about to eat some yummy food and go the freak to bed. if i can assuage the guilt embedded in my brain and heart. it's just... i have to stay focused. i can be strong. it's almost july and life is beautiful and tomorrow i have the day off.

2011-06-24T22:49:00.002-05:00

i really wanted to be with you and have lingering dreams of our future. it's hard for me, too, to give that up.

lesson of the year

2011-06-24T00:30:00.001-05:00

HINDSIGHT IS 20/20 like a mutha

2011-06-23T20:09:00.002-05:00

the. hardest. thing. i. might. ever. do.

falling in love.

2011-06-23T15:38:00.001-05:00

everything with ryan has made me want to cry for the past two days. meanwhile, someone else loves me. i don't know how long i can just push this aside.

debauchery update

2011-06-22T14:04:00.002-05:00

i tried to start like a million fights last night and thought i could show off karate moves.

first day of summer

2011-06-21T17:40:00.003-05:00

FUCK. YES. it's on like a prawn that yawns at dawn. kathleen's comin over, i've got snacks and a bottle of wine in the kitchen, and the possibilities are endless. my garden is going SO WELL. i've got blooms on allllll my plants, and even a few little hot peppers!! i'm going to make sauteed garlic spinach with hot peppers and stuff some with egg, cheese, and breadcrumbs. my birthday is in TWO WEEKS and i will be a quarter-century young. let the debauchery begin/continue.

2011-06-20T22:26:00.002-05:00

"she's not just a fantasy. she's got, like, flaws. she's real."

2011-06-20T11:18:00.002-05:00

beautiful day.

2011-06-17T08:54:00.001-05:00

gonna ride my bike to the coffee shop on market and read, pick up paycheck, go to bank, go to jamey's shop for some air in my tires, water garden, go to work and make a million bux. catch ya on the flip syde.

quote.

2011-06-16T00:27:00.002-05:00

"that's what happens when gonads rule the roost."

i wasn't kidding about you knowing where i live. in regards to what you were talking about.

joke, right?

2011-06-16T00:06:00.001-05:00

life is so funny i forgot to laugh.

awesome day off

2011-06-14T16:22:00.002-05:00

ate a burrito for breakfast with coconut coffee, made a mcdonald's delivery, went to garden center, worked in garden, ate chocolate croissant, hung out with my favorite 7-year-old, bout to ride to the beach and read, then shower, then be lazy. woop woop!

except too bad i have a slightly deep set and inherent feeling of guilt and longing.

my true love

2011-06-14T16:04:00.001-05:00

sucker.

2011-06-09T22:59:00.001-05:00

"i consider myself a good person, but i'm gonna try to make him cry."

heat wave 2011

2011-06-09T22:50:00.004-05:00

it's finally not 1000000 degrees!! but it still is in my room. my legs are really sweaty, even the shins. updates on my life: i can't stop listening to sheryl crow or weezer and i really want to go to karaoke. still so happy summer is here. today i worked, read at the beach, went on a shopping spree at home depot, ate hummus at abc, ice cream at sweet moses, and then sat on my bed with my zombie cat listening to sheryl crow. i think we put our cat in the hands of a loony for a few days and we need to get her back to normal. she's so drugged out she kept sliding off my bed earlier. tomorrow i only work dinner so i plan on spending my morning drinking coffee and gardening. i feel like a hippie lately cause i've been so happy. and dirty. seriously, always covered in dirt. and don't care. and wear a baseball hat a lot. side note: reason #92990389023 why i can't/shouldn't have a boyfriend: i have a queen sized bed and like to sleep diagonal on it.

best feelings.

2011-06-07T00:22:00.003-05:00

i just feel GOOD. kind of hot, but not fussy. happy in tank tops and shorts in my messy room, content. so many adventures available and happening all the time. knowing how great talking to my favorite guy is, laughing, having inside jokes. can't help but smiling. summer is so awesome. i feel like my skin really belongs to me and it's all i need. my body feels alive and well!!!!!! kind of warm, just like my heart. a little sweaty. lots of love to share.

does this sound like something an 8th grader would write?? SLEEP, SELF.

drinking all day #700

2011-06-06T00:14:00.003-05:00

i had 700 drinks today. i went to the indians game after getting drinks at the buff, got mojitos at zocalo, got dim sum and zombies in asia town, came home and watered all the gardens, went to edisons to hang out. i feel like i'm gonna puke.... either from the mish mash of booze in me or the being nervous.

2011-06-05T09:39:00.002-05:00

"we won't let you down."
"well you can't because i don't care."

i should be watering my garden or getting ready for the indians game but i'm watching the office and drinking coffee.

relationship time/friend time

2011-06-03T22:37:00.002-05:00

today a co-worker asked me what i did for fun. i thought about it and the only thing i could come up with was: hanging out with friends. he said: oh so you're still in the hanging out phase? i said: i think i just got back into it, actually. he said: oh cause you're single now?

CORRECT.

i don't know, i'm soooooooooo happy now. and i don't want to go back to being that girl who only hangs out with her boyfriend until she's a shell of her true self and abandons all things that make her who she is. but really... there is something so special about the time you spend with just your boyfriend. it's kinda cute.

was accidentally looking at pictures of my ex-boyfriend on facebook and it bummed me out but now to that i say: fuck yall.

kelly kapoor

2011-06-03T22:19:00.001-05:00

truthfully, i idolize mindy kaling. probably one of the most relatable and funny women in comedy right now! not to mention, everyone always says (truthfully) that i am most like kelly on the office. but i think we both just understand how funny it is to be shallow. sorry. (not). also, she has a blog called "things i've bought that i love" which i also find very relatable and also necessary... and inspiring.

maybe one day i also can write a play about matt damon and be affleck and star in it also.

yes it is friday night and i'm at home blogging.

IF

2011-06-01T20:30:00.001-05:00

IF i ever were to date a republican, i don't know how i'd be able to tell my family...

busy brain

2011-06-01T20:26:00.004-05:00

my brain/body has been going crazy lately. there was the woods, the beach, the sweat, the bikes, the fun, the romance, the fear of romance, the sleeping, the lack of sleeping, the ice cream, the wings, the beer, the mini leather backpack, the going to work, the being covered in dirt, the text messages, the naps, the cleaning, the office (the show), the jokes, the awkward stuff, the fun. good times on the reg. keepin myself in check even though i'm being kinda crazy.

speaking of crazy, is anyone else's allergies out of control today?? HAY FEVER.

memorial day.

2011-05-31T09:13:00.003-05:00

went to the beach then saw harry and the potters. drank malt beverages, ate popsicles... pretty much the day was made for me.

so many funny things are happening

2011-05-27T23:18:00.002-05:00

i haven't done anything all day, so i've had a lot of funny conversations. this just happened:

me: so do you make donuts or what?
kath: yeah, with a donut robot

also this from the office: do black people like pizza?

2011-05-27T21:51:00.001-05:00

ryan sent me this?? i'm guessing cause the dogs are awesome. turns out so are the lyrics. basically explains why i will never have a boyfriend again.

I'm on your team
but I never know when you're not
you never wear shoes without your socks
you never tell anything to me

I'm on your side
but only for a while, of course
you never use words you can't afford
a house of cards and it's a sign

so wait up
you never get nervous anymore
so wait up
you never get nervous anymore
what did you want me to say?
hey
what did you want me to do?
what did you want me to say?

inside the lines
gotta catch 'em in a paper cup
you never know when to change your luck
the sum of everything you like

I'm on your side
so introduce me to your friends
with the music and the lights and everything

so wait up
you never get nervous anymore
so wait up
you never get nervous anymore
what did you want me to say?
hey
what did you want me to do?
what did you want me to say?

it's only on the weekend
only on the television screens
always with your girlfriends
always with your conversations
making up for lost time
making it with me

wait up
you never get nervous anymore
so wait up
you never get nervous anymore
what did you want me to say?
hey
what did you want me to do?
what did you want me to say?

2011-05-27T01:41:00.000-05:00

WHY IS NO ONE EVER AWAKE WHEN I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THINGS

cartoons part 5000

2011-05-26T14:29:00.001-05:00

sometimes i'm watching something so funny that i get squirmy

woop woop

2011-05-26T12:50:00.000-05:00

so excited and... happy!

2011-05-25T23:43:00.001-05:00

i can't even tell the internet what a great day i had.

although it did include me freaking out because i thought i lost my wallet, but it was in the backseat of my car when i went to fill it with beer.

1330

2011-05-24T12:32:00.002-05:00

now it's 130pm. i cleaned the house, ate a croissant, took a shower... now i'm jsut waiting for haircut/work. until then, this is me:

if i had a nickel for every photobooth picture i have like this, i'd be a millionaire. if i had a nickel for every picture i have of me wearing an inside out t-shirt, i'd be a millionaire. if i had a nickel for every time i wore sweat shorts, i'd be a millionaire.

hello 6am

2011-05-24T04:51:00.001-05:00

just woke up. i think i'll stay up. and clean.

quote from last night:
"i just never have fun when i'm there. never."
"too red?"
"YES!"

2011-05-23T23:01:00.001-05:00

butterflies

90s

2011-05-23T00:56:00.004-05:00

no kidding swaer to god i just purchased a mini leather backpack off of ebay like two days ago. i've been drinking since about 3 today... which is closing in on about 12 hours. anyway i can't stop thinking about the 90s. for about three months. i mean, i've been into this decade forever. i watch either daria, some form of nicktoons, or jam to 90s songs at least 20 times a day. check it outtttttt

karakoe songs

clueless/warped tour

probably saddest and truest song about relationships/why i will always be single

beck and thom yorke sooooooo crazy in a good way

omg omg omg omg omg omg

on every mix tape/cd from high school

sorry i like this

ahhhhh

unreasonable crushes

2011-05-21T23:18:00.001-05:00

RUIN EVERYTHING AN MAKE EVERYTHING EXCITING

cool dad

2011-05-21T08:40:00.000-05:00

being funny... as a female

2011-05-20T22:11:00.001-05:00

it is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo unfair that i can think certain guys are so funny but if i wanted to chime in or even say something like that on my own, i would just be considered weird. and i feel like it's mostly because there's a stigma about girls who are funny. I'M THE FUNNIEST.

new relationship.

2011-05-20T08:28:00.001-05:00

travis and i have so many morning dates.

negative thinking

2011-05-16T15:00:00.003-05:00

I was talking to Ryan last night about feeling good about myself and today I was reading about mental and verbal abuse. I don't want to say I was abused in any way, bit I'm glad I got out of the situation I was in. The fact of the matter is we just wanted different things and I couldn't understand that or accept it at the time. It's definitely partially fault that we went through things we did. I was turned down so many times it became completely habitual for me to feel like crap and just started.feeling bad about everything about me, everything I did, and everything in my life. Basically a huge waste. I made a lot of mistakes, but more importantly I've learned from them! The next person I want to be in a relationship will want to be with me, haha.

The funny thing is that he knew I wasn't acting like myself. I losy myself for a while and maybe that's what pushed him away. He told me I was acting different, when I was probably just trying to be impressive and win him over. It's so silly! I should've known better all along.

What's even funnier is that I'm so much more independent now. I just wanna have fun with friends... not so much settle down. Would that make a difference now? Who knows... its probably too late anyway.

quote

2011-05-15T23:22:00.001-05:00

Life without me would be even more unbearable.

amanda bynes taught me

2011-05-15T15:32:00.001-05:00

Lots of things that I already kind of knew but feel better about! Also glamour. The magazine. Such as:

Girls can do anything guys can.
It's possible to be pretty, normal, funny, and not totally materialistic.or caught up in looks clothes etc.
Guys can be huge jerks who only care about girls looks or bangin. And its better to be alone than with dudes like that.
There are some guys who like girls for their personalities. Yay!

I know its silly but its empowering! I think I realized something recently about a certain person who might be more interested right now in being a jerk and meeting girls than being in a meaningful relationship with a cool girl that's funny and cute and adventurous and smart and not crazy anymore.

die-hard fan.

2011-05-12T09:20:00.000-05:00

ugh i've been missing a lot fo games lately. but it's a good thing i found this:

Cleveland Indians: Whose Jersey Should You Buy?

I'm gonna try real hard to get to the free choo jersey day. butttt i might just go with sizemore... anyway! those things are expeeeennnsive.

maybe i'll just get this "diva slit-neck":

victoria's secret pink has some indians shirts. how stupid.

2011-05-11T23:42:00.000-05:00

to be emotional or not to be emotional??

for now i say not. there's no point in being emotional anyway. sorry if i seem aloof!

day.

2011-05-11T08:53:00.004-05:00

i have to work at 4, but it's supposed to be 75 today so i'm going to enjoy it while i can. i plan on riding to lakewood to get some more planters, stop at the bank, fold my laundry, finish making my food, and taking a shower. i mean, i can't really go to the beach yet, so... i'm trying to wake julie up to come with me.

also i'm really into these:

mutual appreciation.

2011-05-10T23:13:00.006-05:00

so i just watched this movie on netflix called mutual appreciation, even though it looked kinda lame in the reviews. it was kinda lame, but i liked the girl character (even though i do not want to be like her) and it had a great message. it showed the power of honesty and the how it makes relationships stronger. basically the girl is attracted to her boyfriend's friend and she tells the friend, and after he makes a move, she says no we can't do this. so then she goes and tells her boyfriend what happened and honestly meant that it was silly and she loves her boyfriend and wants to be with him and everyone is friends still.

i don't know why i'm so paranoid about such things. i shouldn't say this, but i will. sometimes i want to tell ryan about other guys in my life or that have been in my life, but only because i've always loved him more. i feel like there's some merit in being honest and doing the right thing. maybe then people will respect me and do the same with me. and if not, at least i won't be a liar or have to feel guilty. but anyway i won't say anything because that's probably just really inappropriate and, at this point. completely unnecessary. also because ryan has always had so many girl friends it's hard to imagine that there haven't been the "moments" like the one in the movie between ellie and her boyfriend's friend. a lot of times i just assume that things went on behind my back. other times, i choose not to assume and pursue a well-adjusted, confident life. i guess the appropriate middle ground would be to know that if someone wants to be with you, they will choose you over anyone else. when someone loves you and you love them, you know it. and that's grounds enough to have a relationship, i think. and to explore the question of what is forgivable... it's probably just all situational. i hope the next guy i date doesn't have so may girls for friends, though. i, of course, can continue to have all my dude friends.

my rules.

how i know i'm a crazy.

2011-05-09T23:01:00.001-05:00

i'm watching this documentary about harry potter bands (no, that's not how i know) and i thought, "i can't believe there are people that are fans of draco." then i realized those people are the people that have a better grip on reality than me and know that it's just a book.

dear self:

2011-05-08T20:39:00.001-05:00

if you're bored then you're boring.

talking to myself.

2011-05-08T00:34:00.001-05:00

things i say to aloud when there's no one else here:

"shutup you machine"
"leave me alone"

already hungover/bad idea list

2011-05-07T23:43:00.003-05:00

today i slept in, made some food, watched the twilight sozone, took a shower. then i went out to bar ccento with julir and some people she works with. fun! THANK GOD they had salt carmel jeni''s ice cream it made me life. drank some champagne. went to warehouse party just past downtownn bad ideas begin.

give all your things to julie.
she gives them to kol.
can't have them now when i 'm home because i lost kol.
lstening to julie fight on the phone.
wish i had my phone.
giving my phone number to a dude thathad a crush on me when i was 18 and he was 35.

good ideas:
photo booth with my bff sebastian.
phothoboot with kol john michelle and kevin.
it was in a bus.
omg i'm drunk.
thank you travus for waiting for me.
telling travis we're not htat good of friends.
omg i need my phone.
wearing a baggy sweathist tshirt.
probably gonna eat more snax.

help.
also my walls keep making noises.

this time of year reminds me of kathleen and ryan.

cake.

2011-05-07T11:24:00.002-05:00

i can't get out of bed and i keep watching cake videos on youtube. this isn't my favorite song, but they perform it live so well! they're playing here on the 17th. i'll be out of town. otherwise, i would seriously consider going. i want whatever makes that rattling noise. also to be in this band.

goth song.

2011-05-07T11:12:00.001-05:00

the singer kinda reminds me of kevin, which makes me feel kinda weird.

adult jokes.

2011-05-06T23:44:00.002-05:00

one time when i was little and rocko's modern life was relevant to people other than me, i was watching the episode where rocko has the flu with my cousin (whose mother is a nurse) and he takes the pill and then sees that it says NOT TO BE TAKEN ORALLY and carly said, "what's he supposed to do? take it up the butt?" i didn't get what she meant at the time, because we were like 8 and i didn't know what orally meant, it was just funny to me that she said take it up the butt. probably not a lot of kids would get it, which was probably part of the joke, thus making carly a part of the joke, as well as an exclusion.

i told you i can't sleep.

day off.

2011-05-06T23:27:00.001-05:00

tomorrow i have the day off and i'm so excited i can't sleep. seriously!

quote.

2011-05-05T23:18:00.000-05:00

"i've gotta get out of here before i catch any more good vibes."

boyfriend theory.

2011-05-05T23:13:00.003-05:00

every time i get around dudes that i might like or might like me i get really nervous and awkward, like on tv and in movies. i shut up, i stutter and stammer, and ask, "so what's new?" 50 times. WHY. in my head i am constantly saying the funniest, wittiest, and most interesting things!

k can't sleep.

urban outfitters

2011-05-05T23:12:00.001-05:00

stupidest store in the universe. you have soooooo much crap and like 1% of it is cool and then there's 1% that's awesome and costs millions of dollars, but everything else is shitty quality. GET A LIFE.

Who Wants To Sleep In Kevin McAllister's Old Room? Home Alone House On The Market!

2011-05-05T20:13:00.003-05:00

Oh man! The kid whose parents buys this house has a lot of mischief to live up to!

Two decades ago (yes, its been that long) 8-year-old Macaulay Culkinturned a magnificent, luxurious home in the suburbs of Chicago into his own personal robber-nabbing fun house in the John Hughes flick Home Alone. The movie has become a classic and now, the house used to make film is up for sale.

Cynthia and John Abendshien, who have owned the 4,250-square foot property for 23 years, have decided to sell - and at a steep price. They're asking $2.4 million for it, not because it was in the movies, but because it is a "residential masterpiece".

It is real pretty! But we'd only be interested in it if it came equipped with a zip-line from our room to the tree house and had doorbell that greeted guests with the phrase, "Keep the change ya filthy animal!" HA!

Repost from: http://perezhilton.com/2011-05-05-home-alone-house-chicago-for-sale

hell$$$ yeah.

2011-05-04T22:15:00.001-05:00

made all the money tonight. my mom just told me she loved me and it made me want to cry. moms...

FRESH AIR

2011-05-04T14:43:00.001-05:00

http://dreamzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.blogspot.com/

hoooly crap.

2011-05-04T14:36:00.001-05:00

sick of feelin so blue.

2011-05-03T23:03:00.002-05:00

i can't find a font big enough to type "i'm so sick of this." i feel like there's a balloon of rage inside of me that needs to be popped and then i will feel better, but i can't figure out how to do it. everyone is so caught up in themselves and their problems, and they act like they're upset because they're concerned about everyone else, but no one does anything about it. no one talks or is reasonable or tries to actually do anything to help. and the situation continues and makes me just want to be alone or run away and makes me really angry at everyone. it's so fucking high school. i really haven't had to deal with any of this stuff since high school.

it's like the friends episode when chandler is like, "oh no! two women love me! they're both gorgeous and sexy. my wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!" i'm so sorry you're so surrounded with people telling you things they love about you and then telling me... FOR SOME REASON. LEAVE. ME. OUT. OF IT.

cause all it reminds me of is the fact that i'm LONELY. no one ever tells me things they love about me, because no one ever loves things about me. which is only easy not to care about for so long. yeah, i'm fine by myself, but at the end of the day, i'd take someone being in love with me, sure. especially THE ONE PERSON I'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH FOR FOUR YEARS. BUT DOESN'T LOVE ME BACK AND HASN'T FOR A LONG TIME. i'm sorry. i'm sorry, ryan, that i'm not pretty or funny or cool enough. i'm sorry i'm a waitress and say dumb things and wear weird clothes and no makeup. just kidding, i'm not. i'm pretty happy with myself and i am funny and really nice and a good friend and honest and caring and i like adventures and i like cool things. but you still don't love me. no matter what. DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND THIS. seriously, does anyone?? it. fucking. hurts.

still.

a lot of days.

and i just want to get over it. i don't really want a boyfriend but i want to be in love and have someone be in love with me. that sounds spectacular. but it never happesn. it has been so long. what do i do wrong what do i do i just make jokes and read in bed and help everyone else with their problems.

i need to get over ryan and i need to stop being involved with this shit with j and j and c. and i know you guys read this, so please understand. i know you think i'm wrong because i'm being selfish or have some insecurity problems. but the truth is, i can't deal with the fact that my friends could possibly hurt me really bad. and i can't constantly be second best. think what you want, but this really isn't my business beyond that. and i'm sick of everyone saying one thing but meaning another.

at least i have a vacation in 10 days.

i feel lonely.

2011-05-02T21:32:00.002-05:00

i spent all day hungover in bed. yesterday was crazy. i rolled out of bed to take molly for a walk, made some nutella toast and coffee and walked across the street for my community garden meeting. went to jamey's shop and helped out a little bit. then i went home and cleaned up and rode bikes for a while with kevin, ryan, and tedd. thennn we started drinking and it got a little nuts.

anyway. today i didn't leave the house till about 8 except to get chipotle. babysat with julie, then i went to crocker and got groceries at trader joe's and more freaking clothes at h&m which is so unnecessary. i talked to ryan, missed him, and now i'm ready to go back to sleep. i will fold clothes first. exciting life.

here goes nothing.

2011-04-30T23:19:00.000-05:00

bout to watch the twilight zone. does this show terrify anyone as much as it does me?????

advice

2011-04-29T11:06:00.001-05:00

when bored, eat chocolate.

things that remind me of my life:

2011-04-29T11:00:00.007-05:00

one more:

cool paintings

2011-04-29T10:52:00.004-05:00

i want to make paintings like this at a future art night.

also cool:

best mornings

2011-04-29T10:49:00.003-05:00

this is my favorite way to start any day. mornings like this lead to really good afternoons, evenings, and nights.

marianne faithfull

2011-04-28T22:14:00.004-05:00

with a face like that, who would guess what a wreck this girl was. so cute. i love her hair, especially her bangs. really great bangs. is it worth it to date mick jagger if the price is drug addiction, eating disorders, and slight insanity?? probably...

another good day.

2011-04-28T21:56:00.003-05:00

woke up, laid around forever trying to sleep in, job interview that went well, got eyebrows done, bought 2 for 1 benadryl at rite aid, julie and i rode to jamey's shop, hung out, rode to gypsy for pizza, came home, tried to sleep more, watched adventure time, made ravioli and drank wine with j-dog, watched clueless, made cookies, cut my bangs more (i have to stopppp), going to sleep. just took a benadryl ahhhhhhhhh. can you believe these awesome days i'm having? too bad now i have to work two doubles.

2011-04-28T21:54:00.000-05:00

good day.

2011-04-28T01:12:00.002-05:00

woke up, had a croissant, went to new job, bought wrinkle cream, took mini nap, bought hula hoops, hula hooped and ate jolly rancher bubble yum, rode bikes to jamey's shop, fixed bike, rode to abc, ate hummus, came home, watched life aquatic, going to bed super late. my phone blog app won't work, someone fix it.

dear god

2011-04-27T14:32:00.001-05:00

please help me to stop talking about rocko's modern life to young, attractive males.

wednesday.

2011-04-27T08:59:00.002-05:00

I. LOVE. DAYS. OFF.

i got up super early and now i'm really restless and awake and want someone to talk to. it's 10am and travis just stopped over to borrow my camera for him and jamey. he had his dog and his daughter, it was a fun family!

goddamn.

2011-04-26T23:59:00.004-05:00

i've been feeling like a piece of beef jerky lately. reallllllly tough, dude. i mean, life is tough. but--i remained focused on the kind of person i want to be, and i will succeed! i had a little lapse last night, but tonight i think i expressed everything i needed to on the walk home with julie. sigh. i really want to talk to ryan, but we're on opposite schedules all the time. it's just... hanging out with chad and julie is hard now cause i feel like it's liek being on the outside of an inside joke... remember that phrase? seriously, though. i feel like there's something good between all of us, being friends, but there's something amazing and important that only happens between couples with them, and that's something i can't be a part of. and haven't been a part of of for years, and don't see happening any time soon. i'm just a little frustrated. cause i feel like i'll never feel that special something. when ryan and i first started dating... i've never felt fireworks like that before. but after that... i felt like caca. same with tedd and charlie and kurt and all those b-holes. ugh blech ah. or i'd at least like someone to want to hold my head.

and i was wrong when i said no one likes me, it's that i hardly ever like anyone. why can't my stars align and bring me together with a dude that i can stomach. i want a CONNECTION. someone that makes me say YES. someones that's excited about me, and does things that make me smile.

i miss ryan so much and need something else so bad at the same time. at least i realize that...

tomorrow i get a hula hoop. tonight--i sleep with windows open ;)